


Begin Again

by Mathmagician



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: First Snowbaz fic, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Light Angst, M/M, Penny is my girl, SnowBaz, i don't know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 01:12:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13066041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mathmagician/pseuds/Mathmagician
Summary: Canon divergence where the Mage still fucked up but didn’t die, and Simon and Penny defeat the Humdrum together, without the tragic consequences we know there actually were.It’s been 5 years since the last time Simon and Baz saw each other, and their last night together left a bunch of unresolved matters between them. But Baz is living now in New York City and is getting married. That’s when Simon shows up."So last year, when my long-term and only real boyfriend popped the question, I had thought ‘what the hell’ and said yes. Even though, deep down, I knew I didn’t love him like he deserved because I know how capable I am of loving so much more."





	1. Frances Frost

**Author's Note:**

> Hey babes! This my first fanfiction for this fandom and the first I write for AO3. It’s also my first fanfiction in a very, very, very long time, so I hope you enjoy it even if I’m out of touch after all this time.
> 
> I just have three remarks before beginning:
> 
> 1- These characters (apart from one that you will easily spot) belong to the amazing Rainbow Rowell. I do not own any of them.   
> 2- I’ve re-read all the chapters more than once, but English is not my native language so there might be mistakes. I apologize for them in advance. And feel free to correct them if you spot one that is really awful.   
> 3- There might be some inaccuracies here or there. At first, this was supposed to be only one chapter long, but it got out of hand. Again, I’ve re-read it several times and changed a lot of things, but there might be stuff that got out either way.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. Feel free to leave any suggestions and constructive criticism!

**_BAZ:_ **

 

Back at college, almost 5 years ago, when I met Frances Frost, I had to bite my tong to stop myself from laughing out loud at the irony of it.

The first time I spotted those bronze curls in front of me I almost screamed for Simon Snow, before realising it had to be a trick of my mind. There was _no way_ in hell Snow could have been in my Calculus 101 class at Harvard. Why would he be in the US, anyway? The fact that I had overheard him once talking about the flat he was getting with Bunce in London, once they left Watford, was one of the reasons I had fled across the ocean in the first place.

By the end of that lecture, I had talked myself out of approaching this guy, much too similar to Simon Snow for my own good. However, that didn’t stop _him_ from talking to me. I almost ran when he came up to me smiling. A smile that reminded me of the wound in my heart I thought would never heal. His eyes were green as a forest, and he didn’t have any freckles or moles, but the resemblance was uncanny. When he offered me his hand, smiling so brightly I had almost fainted, and presented himself as Frances Frost, I decided that he would be the closest thing to Simon Snow I would ever have. So, I took it.

Our relationship developed fast and, by the end of the first year, I thought I would never think of Simon Snow again. Being with Frances was easy. It felt _good_. It didn’t ache, and it definitely didn’t burn, and I felt contented. I felt like I could actually move on from the breath-taking pleasurable pain that loving Simon Snow was. The one who never really killed me, like he always had been destined to. We never even fought that final battle that I had always thought would finally put me out of my misery. Nevertheless, I was sure that Simon Snow would be the death of me, one way, or the other. However, after Frost came along, I thought that maybe, _just maybe,_ I could be alright.

So, last year, when my long-term and only real boyfriend popped the question, I had thought ‘what the hell’ and said yes. Even though deep down, I knew I didn’t love him like he deserved because I knew how capable I am of loving _so_ much more.

I mean, I love Frances. I really do. Crowley, I’m going to marry the guy. But I had always thought that love was what I had felt for Snow. The way my heart fluttered every time I looked at him, the butterflies on my stomach when he talked to me, even if it was to sneer at me. I was burning, from the inside out. And I am flammable. Loving Snow was playing with fire. Loving Frost is just like… It’s nice. It’s _just nice_. And I keep saying to myself that the way I felt about him is the way love is supposed to feel. _Nice._ And maybe it really is.

So, we’re getting married. In less than a month. And, for the first time in a long time, I allow myself to think of Snow. Because after I am married, it will be over for me. Once I’m married, Snow is off limits – even for my mind.

That’s why I’ve been thinking of him a lot lately, I tell myself. To say goodbye, once and for all. To let myself go. Because I’m getting married to Snow’s doppelganger Frost.

And it’s more than I ever thought I could have.

 

 

**_SIMON_ **

 

Moving to New York was an easy decision. Not because of the job _per se_ , but because of Penny. Ever since she moved here, after her wedding, London just seemed wrong. There was nothing left for me there. I didn’t have a family, Penny was gone, and my job no longer felt fulfilling. The only thing that kept me there, apart from my monthly dinner with Agatha to catch up, was the secret hope that someday I might run into Baz again, after all these years, and finally make it right between us.

On the last day at Watford, Baz had gotten completely wasted and declared his love for me. I, wasted myself, decided that kissing him was the only answer to that. It really was _my only answer_. It made so much more sense than fighting. That day I realised that, deep down, I always had feelings for him, too. In fact, there was even a list in my head of all the things I wanted to do to Baz.

My drunkenness, however, didn’t help me that day, and I fell asleep mid snogging session with Baz. The following day, when I woke up, he was gone. And, since then, I never laid eyes on that handsome git ever again. I never stopped looking for him, though. And every single person I have been with ever since that night has had some kind of resemblance to him.

I didn’t allow myself to think of Baz anymore, though. It was of no use. I could sleep with guy after guy in hopes of uncovering the taste of him again – that cedar and bergamot smell, that feeling of completeness – but I would never find it. Any of it. And I had learnt to be okay with it. Or so I thought.

As I stepped into the headquarters of the company I would now be working for, a head full of golden curls startled me. I walked to the elevator, next to which this guy stood, and coughed.

“Hello”. The guy almost jumps when he hears me speak, but then he smiles at me. A huge grin that reminds me too much of own.

“Hi there.” He replies, still smiling.

“My name is Simon. Simon Snow.” He chuckles a little when I say it, which is the unusual reaction I get from people when I tell them my name. I’m used to it now, but it has always uncomfortable. I decide to continue, however. “I’m starting today. I’m new here at the company.”

“Oh, you’re the new guy! That is actually convenient. I’m going to be the one to show you around.” I smile at him. He seems reasonably nice even though he made fun of my name.

“My name is Frost, by the way. Frances Frost.” He states, and I freeze. So that’s what his laugh was all about.

“I feel like this should go unsaid, but I can’t help it. What the actual hell?” I frown, looking at him. He could be making fun of me, be he seems rather serious.

“I know.” He replies, actually laughing this time. “It’s bad enough that we’re almost twins, but the names… The names are just too much!”

I laugh with him. At least he has a sense of humour. This is just plain weird. I just found my doppelganger who happens to also have an incredibly odd name. I can’t wait to tell Penny, although I’m sure she will believe me.

This strange encounter was probably the weirdest thing that ever happened to me, and I had been, after all, the Mage’s Heir.

Yet, meeting Frances Frost was even weirder. And I didn’t even know the beginning of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I'm sorry if it doesn't have the best layout ever, but I am still trying to figure out how to work with this!  
> See you soon!


	2. Random Encounters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter. I hope you enjoy it.

**_BAZ_ **

 

 Frances had told me that he would be late tonight since he had to mentor a new super skilled guy that the company had fetched from London today. His new co-worker was supposed to be super creative, always making up adds where magic was involved, and they were incredibly popular throughout the world. I think I’ve seen a few of them before, mostly when I’m home for Christmas, and the way they portrayed magic – so similar to the magick around which I grew up – always had me thinking this man was probably a mage. But I was never really interested in finding out who he was, which was probably my first big mistake. If I had, the events that followed that day could have been avoided.

I waited up for my husband to come home, working on the sitting arrangements for the wedding. I had been trying to fix the same problem for days. I needed to figure out how to sit my friends from Watford far away from Frances beautiful friends. Friends I was sure wouldn’t be impressed by Dev and Niall’s horniness, which made it mandatory for me to figure out a way of sitting them far from each other. However, Frances had too many beautiful friends, so I had been having a hard time fixing this situation.

I had just sat down on the couch, tired of trying to fix an unfixable problem, when I heard the key turn and Frances come in.

“Hey, hon’. I’m home”. I got up to meet him, giving him a quick peck on the lips. “How was your day?” He asked, smiling.

“Alright. Did some math. And some more math. You know, a regular day at a math professor’s life. Yours? How was the new guy?” I lied with all my teeth. I avoided talking about work with him because I don’t like lying. I couldn’t refrain from lying though, considering that he is a Normal. That’s why he thinks I work at New York City College, teaching a highly skilled level maths class. The truth, however, is that I work for the magickal world searching for dead spots. My job is to try to avoid another mess like the one Simon Snow created all those years ago.

 When I took up this job, I know I was secretly hoping that I might have to meet with Snow someday. Which, to my dismay, hasn’t happened yet, as Snow kind of went off the radar after defeating the Humdrum and leaving Watford.

Frost smiled at me, sitting down before answering. “You will never guess it. The guy is _amazing_. He really was what we needed in the company. He has these crazy ideas and this crazy vibe to him. Although he is the clumsiest person I have _ever_ seen. He ran into our boss the moment we walked into the office. And he almost fell three times the whole day.”

“I met someone like that once” I muttered under my breath before I could stop myself. I shouldn’t have said it. Frances never knew of the existence of Snow. And never will him _ever_.  Thankfully, he didn’t hear me. Or, at least, he didn’t think of it as relevant information, because he continued.

“But Ty, you have _no_ idea.” He always calls me Ty. Since Watford, only my family calls me Baz. It seems like a name for another time. For another life. The one I lead before coming here, when magic was not a secret.

Frances has no idea of it. The magick, that is. Or the vampire thing, as well. I don’t really know how I kept it from him for all these years. Maybe the fact that he is a little self-absorbed helped. And the brilliant spell Fiona and I created that allows my fangs to be retracted at all times, even if I’m eating, might have contributed too. Now, they only pop when I summon them. Which I rarely do since I now eat blood that I get from the butchers and store in the fridge using a **There’s nothing to see here** to prevent Frost from finding it. At this point, I feel like if I made it this far, I could get away with it forever.

“Ty, honey?” He calls. I had zoned out.

“Sorry, keep going.” He looks at my slightly annoyed. A look that reminds me of Simon so much I almost can’t take it. ‘Focus, Baz’ I thought ‘The fiancé is talking’.

“I was saying” Frances repeats “That you have _no idea_ how this guy looks. He is _just_ like me. Like, he could be my twin. It’s fucking creepy.” My heart nearly stops. ‘Calm the fuck down Baz’ I think ‘It can’t be’.

“I don’t believe there is anyone out there that similar to you. At least I’m sure whoever that guy is, he is not as beautiful as you.” I smile the fakest smile. This is too big of a lie. There _is_ someone out there that really looks like him. But better. 

“But Ty he is! Seriously! The only difference is that his eyes are blue.” Now, I’m starting to second doubt myself. Could he be? No, it couldn’t. It is just not possible. “And he has thousands of freckles and moles.”

I cough loudly. By now I am sure that I am not keeping a straight face. Freckles and moles. Forevermore my weakness. Those constellations I replay in my head, after all these years, when I allow myself to think of Snow again. Frost doesn’t notice my reaction because he keeps talking. “And that’s not even the weirdest thing. You will _neve_ r guess his name.” And before he says it, I am sure my heart stops and my breath catches in my throat. If I wasn’t already dead, I am sure I would be by now.

“This guy is called Simon Snow, Ty. Isn’t that fucking _odd_?”

 

**_PENNY:_ **

 

Simon is sitting on my couch, going on and on about his first day and his new co-worker that looks so much like him. I laugh, thinking how happy I am that my best friend is back as a constant in my life. Micah is running around in the kitchen, fixing dinner for us, while we catch up. Simon just moved here a few days ago, and with a crazy week at work for me, and him having to move from across the Atlantic, we barely had any time to talk. It is not like we didn’t skype every day before, but this is different. This is better. And all is going perfectly.

That is, until Micah speaks.

“Guys you have _no idea_ who I saw today at the supermarket!” I look at him inquisitively, and Simon nods, waiting for him to speak. Neither of us was ready for what he said.

 

**_SIMON:_ **

 

Micah sits down next to me before continuing. I missed this feeling. Being back together with people that make me feel good. My friends. London was lonely these last few years after Penny moved. Apart from the parade of Bazes that met my apartment, and the occasional encounter with Agatha, I was always alone. Micah is waiting for us to ask him, clearly, and Penny sighs.

“Babe, just say it and be done with it. It can’t be that good.”

“Maybe it’s not. I don’t know.” He shrugs “It’s just that vampy guy, you know?” Penny and I look at each other, having no clue to what ‘that vampy guy’ is supposed to mean.

“Oh, come on guys.” Micah says “You know him. The vampy guy. The one with the long posh name that always antagonised Simon? I think he was his roommate or something.”

I look at him blank faced. I am not even sure I am processing the information. Could he be talking about fucking Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch? The one that fucking _got away_? Penny, having no clue as to what happened between Baz and me that last day, just looks at me grinning.

“Baz? Oh my god, Simon! What are the odds?!” Micah nods in approval, while I just sink into my spot. Baz. Baz is _here_. This is where he has been hiding _all this time_. Across the fucking ocean, while I looked for him _everywhere_ and in _every single one_ of his clones. While I slept with them, night after night, in hopes of waking up to him one day, and not to some random hook up.

Penny’s voice is sounding further away as she continues to speak.

“Si? Oh, come on! After all this time you can’t still hate him that much.” I take a deep breath.

“Penny, it’s not that…” And I tell them. They have to know the truth. They have to know how Baz will always have my heart. And how, apparently, he took it with him across the Atlantic, without any explanation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will probably be updating later today because I pretty much have this written for a week or so by now. I wrote it all while waiting for my invite. I am just reviewing and also studying for my finals, that's why I won't update it all at once. But I'm too excited to be posting this here, so I won't take that long uploading the whole work.
> 
> See you soon!


	3. Rough Week For The Doppelgangers

**_BAZ_ **

 

It’s been a week since the incident of Simon Snow.

It’s been a week since my engagement got called off because I couldn’t keep a fucking straight face at the mention of his name. Frances is just wrapping up the last boxes. I don’t know why he is the one moving out. I would have been happy to just fly back to London and run away from Snow again. But Frost didn’t let me. Deep down, I almost believe he knew it all along. He never interrupted me as I told him about Simon Snow. About my long-lost love for him, and how he was _almost_ the death of me. Frances just stared at me, tears in his eyes, and said:

“Ty, honey, I always knew there was something off about us. I love you. I do. But you weren’t happy. You have never been happy with me. And now, I realize that you were never even mine. I’m going back to my parents’, Ty. Because I need to figure this out. How to go on from here.” And he just got up and left.

Then, he came back a bunch of times for his things, and never once was he rude to me, or yelled at me. He was always polite, and he always smiled like I hadn’t broken his heart less than a week ago. And I just kept thinking that I didn’t deserve this gentle soul. I didn’t deserve _any soul_ for that matter. I am a monster. And, now, with Frost gone, I am going to die alone. Or live forever alone, whichever comes first.

“I am really sorry, Frances. For everything.” I said as he took the last box out.

“It’s alright Ty. I will be fine. But just so you know…” he said, hugging me one last time “I will never blame you. I just want you to be happy. And I don’t think we made each other happy, as much as we tried to.” I nodded, with tears in my eyes, and watched him leave without being able to say another word.

And that was it. My 5-year relationship was over because of the mention of Simon Snow’s name. And I was angry. And I was broken. And I had no idea what I was supposed to do now. And, at the same time, I just kept replaying that last night in my mind. When he fell asleep on me and screamed my name while dreaming.

‘BAZ. NO! STOP! You’re hurting me! You killed him! Why did you kill him? BAZ!’ It’s what he had said. I still dreamt of it, sometimes. I was hurting him. So, I left. And I was supposed to never see Simon Snow again. _Ever_. But now he is here. And I am not sure I can avoid him forever.

**_  
_ **

****

**_SIMON:_ **

****

It’s been a week since the incident of Basilton Pitch.

Penny and Micah heard my whole story without a word and then just hugged me tightly. They didn’t know what to say, and neither did I. What was there to say? After all those years, I never thought I’d hear that name again. And it still stings like it was yesterday that I woke up to find my empty room and Baz nowhere to be seen.

It’s been a week and I almost convinced myself that it was a dream. Baz couldn’t be here. Why would he even be here? He was not. Micah had to be mistaken. _He had to_.

I was walking into my new building as I spotted Frost carrying a large box and looking like a wreck.

“Hey man. How’s it going twin?” I called, smiling at him. We had figured we lived in the same place that first day when we walked home together. He hadn’t mentioned anything about moving out, so I found it odd, all the boxes.

“Hew Snow.” He said, nicely but with a hint of bitterness in his voice that I couldn’t quite comprehend.

“Are you moving out?” I asked, innocently.

“Yeah.” He said, taking a deep breath and continuing with a cracked voice. “I lived here with my fiancé. Well, ex-fiancé, now. We broke up last week. That’s why I haven’t been coming to work. I took some vacation time to process this whole thing.”

“Oh…” I said, looking sadly at him. I never knew how to deal with this kind of situation. “I’m sure she didn’t deserve you, man. I’m really sorry. If there is anything I can do to help you, just let me know.”

He smiled, bitterly again, and walked past me.

“It’s he.” I looked at him confused. “It’s he. My fian – ex-fiancé. It’s a _he_. But don’t mind me. I’ll be alright, Snow. But if you could… just keep an eye on him. To make sure he is alright.” And with that, he walked out. I cursed myself for assuming his sexuality but soon forget it, since that exchange of words was deeply confusing. How could I keep an eye on someone I didn’t know? I shrugged as I made my way to the elevator.

This was a rough week for us doppelgangers, I thought, as I entered my new home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise they will be finally seeing each other soon!  
> I know this one is short but I'll update at least another one today.
> 
> Have a wonderful day everyone!


	4. Jaws Dropping

**_SIMON:_ **

 

A week after I last saw Frances Frost, I heard that he had taken a non-paid extended leave. The break-up really was rough on that guy. I even overheard someone in the office saying he had decided to travel the world, out of the blue. I really felt bad for the guy, but, in a way, it was relaxing not having someone so similar to me around all the time.

I, on the other hand, was totally over the Baz incident. I had already started with the Bazes parade at my new place. My next-door neighbour hasn’t made an appearance yet, even with all the guys I bring home and despite the fact that I throw them out, sometimes a little loudly, at late hours.

The night it happened I was in one of those situations. It was slightly past 2 a.m. and the Baz I had brought home that day, whose name I had forgotten by then, was starting to get comfortable on my bed. I couldn’t allow it. I stopped letting them sleep over years ago, when I realized it hurt too much in the morning. It was too painful, as the daylight made it clear that they weren’t, and would never be, Baz.

“I think it’s time for you to go.” I had said coldly. It was weird, even for me, the way I treated these people. Like I had no respect for them. It has always been unlike me, the cold way I handle these guys. Any friend of mine would tell you that I’m a really nice person. I even think Penny wouldn’t believe it if someone told her how I behave with these hook-ups. Then again, Penny doesn’t even _dream_ of the dimension of this. She couldn’t guess how many man have been in my bed even if she wanted to. I don’t think she could handle that knowledge either. But it’s my only coping mechanism. I have to treat them like they are things instead of people. They’re meaningless. All they mean for me is the search for something I will never find. And once the adrenaline is gone, once the lust calms down, and the desire disappears, they are just a reminder of the pathetic person I am. They are just a reminder of the only person I ever loved. They’re just a reminder of the one that got away from me.

So, this is how every night goes. I tell them, coldly, to go. I speak to them like I imagine Baz would, showing no respect and no interest for them, or their well-being. I try to sound like him since, truth be told, no one ever hurt me as much as he did. And although no one ever loved me as much as he did, as well, I just try to recreate the hurtful memories, instead of the good ones.  Acting like I think Baz would, usually does the trick. The guys typically leave as soon as I ask them to. This one, however, was trying to stay. But even the most insistent ones rarely argue once I state that they _really_ have to go.

I am just at my door, saying goodbye to this guy and promising that I will (never) call him back after tonight, when the door in front of mine opens.

And my jaw drops to the floor.

 

**_BAZ:_ **

****

I thought I wanted to meet my new neighbour. The guy who just moved next door, less than a month ago. I don’t anymore. It’s the sixth night in a row that he brings some guy over and fucks him loudly until almost daylight. The walls are thin, and I can hear them scream, grunt and gasp, while I lay alone in my bed and think of Snow and Frost. It’s too much to take in after the weeks I have been having. And today, it is getting to a point where I am sure I can’t handle it anymore. I just have to knock on his fucking door and ask them to _please_ keep it down.

That’s when I hear _it_. Someone screaming, incredibly loudly, my name. And I freeze. It’s not even Ty. Someone really is screaming for Baz. Baz. Baz. The sound is so erotic that I am instantly reminded by my body that I haven’t had sex, or wanked for all that matter, in weeks. But the weirdness of it is too much. I decide to just get up, knock on this person’s door and tell them to keep it down. And maybe also ask them _why_ is there someone screaming my name.

It takes a few minutes before I am able to open the door. I am second doubting myself. He couldn’t really be moaning _my name_ , could he? But what are the chances of another person being called Baz?

Then the noises stop, and I think there is no point in saying anything anymore. However, when I hear voices in the hall, I still decide to do it. I need to confront this person before they do it again tomorrow. So I open the door.

And my jaw drops.

 

**_SIMON:_ **

 

It feels like hours before any of us say anything. I can’t help it, though, and really quietly whisper

“Baz?”

The Baz replacement I just fucked, not realizing there was someone behind him, looks at me annoyed.

“I told you it was okay to call me that during sex because you seemed like you wouldn’t do it any other way. But now it’s too much. My name is James. It’s not even that hard.” I look at the real Baz, expecting a smirk at the realization that I call for him while climaxing, but he is just too shocked to do that. Today’s Baz, or James if you will, turns to leave when he sees _real_ Baz.

“Oh, hey man. I’m sorry about that. We were a little loud. I’m leaving now. You can go back to sleep. I’m sure _I_ will never bother you again.” he says, and leaves without even looking back at me.

And then it’s just me and Baz. _Real Baz_. And he looks _just_ like I remember him. Even if slightly older, which makes me wonder if vampires do age, after all. And then Baz blinks, looks at me with so much hurt in his eyes I almost start to cry, goes back inside his place, and closes the door.

 

**_BAZ:_ **

 

I have to be dreaming. I have to be. Simon fucking Snow cannot be my new neighbour. Simon fucking Snow cannot be living right across the hall from me. Simon Snow cannot be the one fucking until late hours, with a guy that looks slightly like me, with the pale skin and the black raven hair, screaming my name.

I have to be dreaming because Simon Snow doesn’t want me. He never did. That night was just a drunken mistake that he made. He was afraid of me. Even if I would never hurt him for real. Even if I would gladly let him kill me when the time came. Even if I loved him _so much_ that he couldn’t even begin to comprehend. Too much to hurt him permanently. He was still afraid of me. And I am a monster, so I don’t blame him.

I have to be dreaming because seeing Simon Snow again, after all these years, could only be a dream. Even when he is here, in New York, he can’t be so close.

I go back inside, certain that I am in fact asleep, and I sink on the floor the minute I close the door. All the tears I never got to cry for him start to stream down my face. I always knew Simon Snow would be the death of me.

I guess I was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Like I said, I'm really excited about sharing this work with you, so I can't help but posting a lot of chapters today.  
> Hope you're still enjoying it. I have to study now, but I'll probably post one more chapter tonight!
> 
> Have a good day everyone!


	5. My Chances With Simon Snow

**_SIMON:_ **

 

The minute he closed the door, I snapped out of my trance. This was Baz. The real Baz. Not one of the infinite Bazes that I have been shagging to replace the memory of holding him in my arms. This was my chance of making things right. My chance of picking up the pieces of my heart that he took with him when he left that day and apparently fled the country to live here. So, I cross the hallway and start banging on his door.

“Baz, for crying out loud, open the fucking door!” I scream. I can hear him breathe heavily inside. I had never seen Baz lose his composure before that night at Watford. I guess he didn’t want me to see it again, because he locked himself inside where I can’t look at him. “Baz, please, open the door”.

“Go away, Snow. You were _never_ supposed to find me here.” He sounds so wounded. So broken. I have never heard Baz sound like this before. His voice cracked halfway through the sentence, and my throat feels like it is going to close.

I sit down, leaning on his door, imagining that he is leaning on it on the other side too. It feels almost like we are touching. Even if he isn’t where I think he is, this is the closest I have been to Baz in half a decade. And it feels right. Although, deep down, I can’t understand how he can still be so upset after all this time. Sure, I had fallen asleep, but he was the one who left without a word. Shouldn’t I be the angry one? I bang on the door once more.

“Baz, for fuck’s sake, why can’t you just talk to me? You can’t still be this mad. I only fell asleep. We were drunk. It’s been over 5 years. Can’t we talk about it?”

And then the door flings open and I fall inside his flat. Baz is standing and looking at me with bloodshot eyes.

“It was never about the falling asleep Snow” he spits. And that’s more like the Baz I remember.

 

**_BAZ:_ **

 

This idiot really thinks I left just because he fell asleep while kissing me? After loving him in secret for so many years and finally having him in my arms, he really thinks that was _all_ it would take to push me away? Seriously, after all this time, I almost forgot how utterly clueless Simon Snow could be.

I shouldn’t have opened the door, because now Snow is storming inside and dragging me to sit next to him on _my_ couch. It’s almost 3 in the morning and I can’t help but think how bad of an idea this is. Simon Snow, in my house, while I am drunk on sleepiness, and he still smells like sex.

He looks at me, waiting for me to say something. But I can’t. I can’t pour my heart out to him again. So, I just stare at him waiting for him to reply. I was the last one to talk anyway. He looks around my living room and stops at the only picture of me and Frost that I still have left. I didn’t even realize I hadn’t taken it down. He looks at it confused. Then at me. Then at the picture again. I sigh. It’s always a struggle with Snow.

“What is it, Snow? I know you met him. What’s confusing you so much about the picture of me and Frost?” I should have stayed quiet, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted him to think I had moved on, even if just for a while.

“You were the fiancé, weren’t you?” he asked, surprisingly. I had no idea how he knew of that. Did Frost tell him? I nodded. “Why did you break up?” Shit. Snow was never the smoothest, but this is too straightforward, even for him.

“Why does anyone break-up?” I ask. “Why did you and Wellbelove did? People just fall apart, I guess.” I lied. I lied with all my teeth, even the hidden ones. But haven’t seen Snow in over 5 years, how could I tell him? It was because of _you_ , dumbass. Because I am pathetic. Because, after all this time, I am still in love with you.

 

**_SIMON:_ **

 

It’s almost an ethereal experience to be here, after all this time, sitting next to Baz on his couch, inquiring him about his break-up with my twin. It’s scary and it’s familiar at the same time. And I am too tired to avoid being direct, so I ask him why. And when he mentions Agatha, if it wasn’t the middle of the night, I would have probably just left it like he stated. But, at night, it feels like all can be said without consequences. That’s why I don’t even think twice before replying:

“We broke up because of you.” He looks at me confused. I carry on. “She was tired of hearing me going on and on about you. One time she just snapped and broke up with me because she couldn’t take it anymore. I found it odd, because I thought it was normal to talk that much about your archenemy, if you had one. But then, the night we kissed, I realized that I talked about you all the damn time mostly because of the way I felt about you.”

Baz’s face just keeps getting more and more confused. I’m not sure if it’s the information I just provided that confuses him, or the fact that I just said a whole paragraph without stumbling on my words. Either way, Baz is confused. And then he lifts his head and looks straight at me. And I almost melt, because I missed that gaze on me. I missed that gaze on me so fucking much.

“But you were scared of me, Snow.” he whispers. I don’t understand what that is supposed to mean, so I ask.

“That night, you screamed for me to stop hurting you. So, I did. I left. And now you’re here and I don’t understand why the hell you even want to talk.”

I try to remember that night. I never realized I had told him that. I just remember kissing him, then falling asleep and dreaming of the Mage. He was hurting me and had killed Baz and… and that was it!

“Baz…” I begin.

“No Snow, really.” he snaps back. Almost recomposed. Almost like the old Baz that always mocked me. “It’s just better if you leave. You’re better off without me. Just go.”

“But Baz, listen…” He was already half standing, but he sat down again, hearing the urgency in my voice. “I wasn’t talking about you. When I said that, I mean. I was dreaming that someone else was hurting us. I was worried about you.”

**_BAZ:_ **

 

This guy can’t possibly think I will believe this. “You literally said ‘STOP. BAZ. You killed him.’ How could that even be about someone else?”

“Because he killed you! You must believe me. I am not scared of you. I am not.” he says, and he sounds desperate. For some reason, probably the fact that I want it so bad to be true it hurts, I believe him. Because I want to believe there is still a chance for us. Because, even after all this time, I am still in love with Simon Snow. Our gazes meet and leans towards me. And, as I am almost giving in, I smell that James guy on his skin and jump back.

“Snow, you just had sex with some other guy and I just broke off my engagement. This is _not_ happening. Please, leave.” He looks at me hurt but doesn’t reply. He just gets up and does as I told him to. He really leaves. And he takes with him my chances of ever making peace with Simon Snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my least favorite one, but I kind of needed it to make the connection to the rest of the story.  
> If you will, it marks the end of the angsty part. And the next one should mark the beginning of the happy ending part. 
> 
> Keep on having a nice day, everyone :)


	6. Starting Over

**_SIMON:_ **

 

That day, more than a year ago, when Baz asked me to leave, I became really upset. I called Penny, even though it was the middle of the fucking night, to rant about everything that had happened. She listened to me with no judgement, only telling me later that she understood Baz. I grew to understand him too, as time went by.

I was hoping for some crazy get together after five years, like those said five years had never happened. But the truth is, both of us had changed throughout that time. He almost got married and I almost got syphilis from all the people I slept with during that period. Even if he almost married a green eyed me, and I always fucked black raven-haired people like him.

Once I realized that we both needed to heal, I decided to slip a note under his door that read ‘Whenever you’re ready to start over, if you want to, I will be right across the hall.’ He never wrote back.

 Penny has been seeing Baz a lot lately, though, since they became co-workers. She quit Harvard to work for the magickal world again. They are now both in charge of the team that searches for traces of the Humdrum, or something else of his kind, here in the US. She tells me Baz seems better these days, but that they never talk about me. She says she is still trying to get his trust.

Me and Baz cross paths in the hallway, sometimes. He is always polite, but we never really talk. I think maybe he just doesn’t want to start over and doesn’t know how to tell me that. But in case he is just not ready yet, I never push him. Although I have been tempted by Baz’s lookalikes this past year, I haven’t slept with anyone since that night. Neither did Baz, I think. At least not that I have heard. I still have to stop myself from screaming his name, though, those nights when I get a little too intense with myself. I know these walls are thin, and I don’t want us talking again because he heard me desperate for his touch on some random day. And so, my life goes on like this, sad and alone. Until the day I hear a knock on my door and open it to find Baz standing there.

And, just like that, Basilton Pitch and I begin again, at last, after all this time.

****

**_BAZ:_ **

 

A few weeks after the night I threw Snow out, I found a note when I got home that said he was waiting for me to be ready to start over. I almost couldn’t stop myself from walking up to his flat, right that moment, and kiss him on that goddamn mouth. But then I did. And thankfully so, because we both needed to heal. If I was ever going to have the pleasure of being with Simon Snow, after all those years in love with him, I had to make it right.

So I waited. I waited even after I once overheard Bunce telling him on the phone that he couldn’t keep waiting for me forever. I even left when I once spotted him at the bar I sometimes went to, to put my head off things. Because I couldn’t trust myself drunk, like that night, ages ago, had proved. I tried to avoid finding him in the hallway, because I wanted him to move on. Even if, deep down, I really didn’t.

But it’s been over a year, and Simon Snow hasn’t brought anyone home yet and still looks at me as if he truly wants me, whenever we cross paths. And I can’t take it anymore, because I am weak. Because I will _always_ love him. Even though I am a monster, he still wants me, and I can’t push him away anymore. So, I knock on his door on that cold December night, after spending the whole day trying to talk myself out of it, because I am _weak_. And because I love him. I love him. I will always love him.

And, when he opens the door, he is fucking shirtless, even if it is freezing, because he is Simon fucking Snow and sleeps with the window open in the middle of the winter. And he smiles at me a smile so bright I almost forget I don’t have a soul.

“Hi Simon.” I say. He gasps, and I am pretty sure it is because it’s the first time in his life he hears me call him that. “My name is Baz. I am your next-door neighbour. I think you’re really cute. Would you like to grab coffee someday?”

I barely have time to finish before he jumps at me and hugs me so tightly I feel like all my broken pieces are back together again.

“I would love to.” he whispers in my ear.

And, just like that, Simon Snow and I begin again, at last, after all this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is set a year after the last one, because I felt like they needed their time to heal before starting over. 
> 
> Again, hope you're enjoying it and I want to thank everyone for reading it. Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos and commented on my work. I had forgotten what it felt like to be part of a fandom. Maybe someday I'll translate some of the work I have on the Harry Potter Fandom from when I was 13 or so.
> 
> Again, thank you so much. You guys are the bomb. 
> 
> Have a nice day/afternoon/evening (depending from where you are) everyone!


	7. Two winters later

_**SIMON:** _

 

I am overreacting, Penny says. Baz is not breaking up with me tonight. He is just tired and stressed out over work and that’s why he has been acting so weird lately. And he is _not_ cheating on me, she promised. Even though I told her how late he came home one night, and how he casted a  **I’ll keep you my dirty little secret** on something I couldn’t figure out what was. So, I dreaded tonight. Because I felt like these past years, the best of my life, were coming to an end.

That is why I was so surprised when Baz told me to put on a nice suit because we were going to that fancy Italian place he knows I love. Then, he made me go back to my house to dress myself, even though, at this point, I basically live at his. I only come to my place to pick up stuff I need, occasionally. He made me come here just to knock on my door half an hour later, with a fucking box of sour cherry scones on his hand, and the black suit I love so much on. And that’s when I begin to think that he is not going to break things off, after all. He is, however, probably going to beat me to the one thing I really didn’t want him to.

We take a cab next to the Brooklyn bridge because Baz wants to see the moonlight before dinner. Tonight, I don’t even care that I am this fancy, even if it usually makes me feel inadequate. It’s December and he must be freezing, because Baz is always cold. Although, to be honest, I am not sure that is why he is shivering right now. He grabs my hand halfway through our night walk and I realize I was crazy to think he would ever break us up. Because even when he sneers at me, for old time’s sake, he still manages to show how much he loves me. We were damaged, both of us, but the fact that we healed before becoming  _us_  made our relationship what it is today. Even though I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if he never left that day, more than 7 years ago, I know that we found each other at the right time, eventually.

Baz is, to my own surprise, an incredibly caring boyfriend. At first, it almost felt out of character. The way he held me like I was precious, like he was afraid I might break, or run, or leave. The way he whispered all his feelings into my ear, when he thought I was asleep and didn’t hear him. The way he proudly held my hand and introduced me to everyone in his life as his boyfriend. But at the same time, he was still the sarcastic Baz I always knew. The mean Baz, once in a while, the mocking Baz most of the days. So, I eventually got used to him being both, and I can’t really go without his tenderness now. He really is only rougher in two occasions: sometimes when we kiss, and almost every single time we… ‘Damn it Simon, focus’ I think to myself ‘It is not the time, or place, to think about naked Baz. Maybe later we could discuss it, but now it’s romance. Romance. Focus.’

“Why are you thinking about sex, Snow?” He suddenly asks with that stupid proud and mischievous grin on his face.

“I wasn’t think about sex.” I immediately reply. He doesn’t buy it and laughs. That lovely laugh of his that I am yet to get used to. I don’t think I ever heard him laugh back at Watford. And I am pretty sure that if I had, I would have realized how much I loved him way sooner than I did.

“You know I can always tell when you’re lying, babe. But don’t worry, maybe later we can work on whatever it is that you’re thinking.” He winks at me. He fucking winks at me and I almost lose it. He always drove me crazy, but it is almost criminal the way he does it now. Every little thing he does is pure seduction. It all makes me want to kiss him or jump at him and straddle him no matter where we are. And tonight he is wearing that fucking black suit I love. The first piece of clothing of his I ever took off, and I almost feel tempted to just take him back home and take it right off, once again. But this is too important, and the sex can wait. We’ll have all our lives to do it.

He stops me as we’re getting back and looks at the moon. It’s full tonight and the light allows me to see his perfect features. It makes him look even paler, and I can see that he is tense. I just want to tell him that he doesn’t have to be, because I love him. I love him and whatever it is that he wants to know tonight, the answer will always be _yes_. Because I love him. And I would do anything he asked me to, as long as we did it together.

__

_**BAZ:** _

 

“This view is breath-taking” he says. We can see the skyline, with its endless lights flickering and the people always running around in their lives. The life. There is no doubt why they call it the city that never sleeps. But then I look at him and I realize he is not even talking about the city, but rather about me. And it almost makes me cry, because I don’t even know how I got so lucky to get him. But I did, and I sure as hell will never let him go. And, despite having this whole crazy plan to how this night was supposed to go, I know _this_ is the moment.  I should have known by now that with Simon Snow it never goes the way it was supposed to. I just need to feel him close to me, know that he loves me, no matter what. Vampire thing and crazy sarcastic git and all.

So, instead of my foolish planned speech, I just pull him close and kiss him deeply because I just need to. And kissing Simon Snow will never stop feeling new to me. Because it’s everything I never thought I would have again. It is every dream, and it is every memory that kept me awake at night, while Frost laid by my side, wondering how I could ever find that fire again. Because no one, _ever_ , made me feel the way Simon does. And I know, I do, that nothing, no one, ever will. Kissing Simon Snow is that storm that you stay awake listening to, while laying in bed next to the one you love. It’s like the air you breathe after being underwater for a little too long. It’s the fire that warms everything inside you, when you thought your heart would forever be frozen. Snow is nothing but pure fire and even though I am flammable, even though I know that I will never stop burning with him, and don’t want to either. I’d rather burn all my life than having to go a single day without him. And when he pulls back for air and looks at me in the eyes, I know this is the moment I have to tell him he is who I want to kiss for the rest of my life. He is all I am sure of. So, I kneel down on one knee while he just looks at me wide eyed. There is no turning back now. I am proposing to Simon Snow.

__

_**SIMON:** _

 

“Simon” he whispers. And I lose it. He knows how crazy it drives me when he calls me that. It’s always Snow, or babe, or darling, or some other mushy name. But Simon… He only calls me Simon when it means something. When something big is about to happen.

That’s when he kneels down in front of me, and even though I almost called it, I can’t believe he is really going to do it. I just look at him and try to stop myself from just screaming ‘YES’ before he says anything. He clears his throat.

“I had this whole speech planned out, but I don’t think this is something that can be planned. You know I have loved you for almost whole my life. And…” And I can’t. I thought I could just shut up and listen, but I can’t. And before I even notice it, I already jumped at him screaming ‘YES! One million times yes!’ And he laughs and catches me before we both fall on the freezing ground. I hold him so tightly I am sure he almost can’t breathe, but he doesn’t complain and just holds me back.

 

_**BAZ:** _

 

He is holding me like he will never let me go, and I can’t believe I ever even doubted he would say yes. And I hold him tightly and whisper in his ear:

“You didn’t even let me ask you the question.” He laughs and loosens his grip a little, looking into my eyes.

“Okay then, ask your question.” He smiles. “Will you marry me, Simon?” I say. And then the bastard looks at me, pretending to be shocked and says,

“That was the question? Oh no! I thought it was the one where you ask me if I wanted to be a vampire!”

“Don’t ruin it, Snow” I say, trying to sound angry. And failing, because I am so happy right now. And he pulls me closer and kisses me so tenderly I almost don’t recognize it.

“I love you” I tell him.

“I love you too, Baz” he says hugging me. “But now let me see that ring!” I laugh.

I am marrying Simon Snow.

Aleister Crowley, I am living a charmed life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final one for today. Where I live it's already super late and I still have a bunch of stuff for uni to do. (imagine there's a really sad emoji here)
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. There are only two more chapters to go (I know I had set this to be 10 chapters long but I had just mistyped the numbers when I wrote it before. They're just 9). I already have another fic written to post after this one ends. And I'm already working on another one!  
> I'm really excited to be writing again, as you can clearly see.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone that left kudos, commented and read my fic. You all made my day.


	8. Fuck (Simon), Marry (Simon), Kill (Penny)

_**BAZ:** _

 

It struck me as odd that Snow didn’t even want dessert and rushed the waitress to get us our check. He nearly jumped into an occupied cab, and then, when we finally found another one, he told the driver we were in a rush, even though we had absolutely nowhere to be. But, as we get to our floor and he doesn’t even let me close the door before jumping on top of me, kissing me like there is no such thing as tomorrow, I finally understand what he was in such a rush for.

I turn around, holding him still in my arms, legs around my waist and desperately biting my neck. I was supposed to be the vampire, but he is the one who enjoys my neck a little too much. I push him against the door to close it. Apparently, he enjoys this a more than I thought he would, because he moans lightly. I press myself against my fiancé’s body as he bites my lower lip the way he knows that drives me crazy. Our tongues are fighting their known battle, and I can feel him getting hard against me as I pull a little on his hair and grab his ass.

We need to stop a little for air, because we just climbed three flights of stairs. The lift was too far away, and Snow really wanted to get in my pants, it seems like. Yet, he doesn’t even let me catch my breath before launching at me again. Despite being me the one with the superhuman strength, he picks me up and carries me to our bedroom. Even though Snow didn’t officially move, we both know he lives here just as much as I do.

He throws me on the bed and gets on all fours above me, making me reach to kiss him again. And I do. Because I am _so_ weak, and _so_ turned on, and _so_ in love. And he is my fiancé and I don’t even care. I love him. And I want him. Right now.

 

_**SIMON:** _

 

We’re both panting, and I feel Baz unbuttoning my shirt, carefully, one button at a time. He loves to torture me like this, making everything look so sensual. Every single one of his moves slow and seductive. I got his shirt off more than a while ago, and I am just staring at him as he kisses down my chest, stopping at each and every freckle or mole. I can feel every inch of my skin aching with anticipation as he kisses me slowly, and I don’t know how he can take it because I am already losing my mind.

Baz can feel my urgent desire because he keeps kissing me all the way down and starts unbuckling my belt. He teases me like no one ever has, and it just makes me want him more deeply. He kisses my thighs, biting a little, because with is fangs in, he can, his hands on my butt holding me in place. He knows I can’t control myself at this point. And then, just as things are starting to go the way I want them to, my phone goes off like crazy. We both jump, startled, and Baz looks at me with disapproval written all over his face.

“It’s not my fault!” I say. I was interrupted too, and I really was enjoying this. I look at my phone and I see it’s Penny calling. I grab it to pick it up and Baz just sits back, mumbling about how all his hard work was lost now. I put her on speaker.

“Hey Penny” I say, shoving Baz away.

“Cock blocker!” He screams, and she laughs.

“Oh, I am interrupting something, I see. But if you don’t mind me asking, is that some kind of celebratory sex? Maybe you are celebrating something you forgot to tell me…”

“Oh, shut it Bunce.” Baz says “We were going to call you. We were just consummating the engagement, first.”

I looked at him shocked. It was supposed to be a little more special when I told my best friend I am getting married. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, Snow. She knew. She went ring shopping with me!”

Penny laughs on the other side. “Sorry babe, it’s true. I was just hoping you would call me right away. But you didn’t. And by the way, Basilton, you’re not really supposed to consummate _engagements_.”

I still am a bit shocked that she knew, and at the same time I am too aroused to be having this conversation.

“So, everyone but me knew and, yet, you’re still shaming me for not calling. That’s not fair Penny.” I say, trying to sound hurt. She laughs and apologizes and asks me to stop by as soon as we can. I agree. “We will drop by your house first thing in the morning, so you can see the ring you helped buying. Right now, however, I was going to shag my fiancé Penny. Also, if I don’t hang up now, I think he might kill you. Or me. Or both, I’m not sure. Either way, got to go. Talk to you tomorrow, love you, bye.” And I hang up.

Baz is looking at me with a cocked eyebrow. “Oh, take that stupid grin off your face. Just come here and do me!” I say. And Baz complies.

__

_**BAZ:** _

__

Simon Snow is asleep in my arms, curls all messed up (my fault), clothes all over the floor (also my fault), shiny ring on his finger (again, my fault) and smile on his face (hopefully my fault). And I can’t sleep, even though we just had sex a couple of times in a row and I am exhausted. But I am so happy. I am marrying Simon Snow.

I kiss him softly on the shoulder, where one of my favourite moles is, and hug him tighter.

He mumbles something and moves to face me, slightly opening his eyes. “Why are you awake, love?” he whispers. “Are you okay?” I hold him closer.

“I am more than okay” I reply, kissing him softly “I love you.”

“I love you too Baz. So, so much.” he answers, pulling me to his chest.

‘I am marrying Simon Snow’, I think, as I feel myself slowly drifting off to sleep, listening to the beat of his heart. Simon Snow is marrying me. And I love him. I love him. I love him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. There is only one left!  
> I wanted to write a lighter chapter and, also, I love Penny, so I wanted to have a chapter where we could have a little more of her. I wanted show a little the dynamic in hers and Baz's relationship, too. Because in my mind they become great friends, always.  
> Also, I didn't change the rating because I don't feel like the steamiest parts require a mature rating. But if anyone more experienced than me in ratings thinks it's too much to be rated teens and up, please let me know!
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you enjoy it, and thank you for reading!  
> Hope you all have an amazing day, and tonight I'll post the last chapter.


	9. Always and Evermore

**_SIMON:_ **

 

We’ve established that Baz would be the one walking down the aisle because he was the one with a father, after all. Not that Penny wouldn’t have walked me, if I’d asked her to. But it felt like the right choice, since Malcom had finally accepted Baz as he was, queer and vampire and all, just after we got engaged. According to him, his father had said that he had never seen Baz so happy in his life as he was with me, so he really had no other choice than to accept us. Because Baz was still his son and all he wanted was for him to be happy.

So now I am standing here, waiting for him to walk through the doors and meet me. And I can’t help but feeling nervous even though it is ridiculous. Penny feels it and grabs my shoulder whispering “You got this, Si.” I take a deep breath and nod. I got this. He is going to show up. No need to stress out.

I look around the room, full of familiar faces. There is Agatha’s family, all smiling at me. I can see Agatha herself, next to Penny’s mom who is almost crying although the wedding didn’t even start. Micah is right next to her, looking at Penny with such a lovely gaze that I can only hope Baz and I still look at each other like that in 5 years. There is Baz’s friends and family, all lovingly looking at me. Even Dev and Niall, who despised me at Watford, seem happy to be here. Although I am not sure if they’re happy for us, or just happy they got to see Agatha again and maybe try their chances now they are not weird teenagers anymore. Even if they still behave like so.

Daphne smiles when she sees me staring at her, and Mordelia gives me thumbs up. Both of them making sure I know they’re rooting for us. Fiona is looking intensely at the door, probably wondering, like I am, if Malcom gave up his idea of acceptance. She told me this morning that, if he backed out, she would _first_ walk Baz down the aisle to me, and only then murder her brother-in-law. This was, I think, her way of showing me that, even though she couldn’t stand me at first, she has grown a little fonder of me. Even if we don’t really have much else in common, we both share our taste in vampires. Her boyfriend, that I admit slightly gives me the creeps, is holding her hand really tightly in hopes of calming her down. Ebb is sitting right next to them, ignoring her sister-in-law imminent nervous breakdown, and smiling at me. Since she got her brother back in her life, along with her best friend, I no longer see the sad Ebb I’ve met back at Watford. Davy is also here. Despite all he’s done to hurt us, he still played an important part in my life. And the years of therapy he’s been through this past decade that now makes him go by Davy again, instead of The Mage, made me want him to be here. Because he really has been trying to get better and to make up for the harm he has done to all of us. Baz never argued, knowing how important it was to me that he’d be here, although he still hasn’t forgiven Davy for what he has put me through.

There’s also Trixie and Keris, whose wedding we’ve attended last year, wearing matching rainbow dresses and representing our community with a bunch of flags they made everyone around them wave. And Frost is here too. Because, after his journey to find himself again, he had come back to the office and we had become friends, if you could say so. And, since he somehow played an important part in our story, and because I felt like it would be important if he knew that, after convincing Baz, I talked to him, trying to know if it would be too painful for him to come. He laughed and told me he had a new boyfriend too, and that he would gladly come if we wouldn’t mind him bringing a plus one. And his plus one… Let me just say we would have never even imagine who he could be. Frances Frost is now happily dating James. The same James guy I was throwing out the night I finally saw Baz again. The world has a funny way of making things work out. Even if it is a little weird that we basically all shagged each other’s partners.  

‘Everyone I love is here. There is only one person left’, I think, as music suddenly starts to play, and Baz appears.

 

 ** _BAZ_** :

 

I was somewhat concerned that I would wake up just as I am about to cross the aisle and realize this was all a dream. First, because my father ( _my father!_ ) was the one walking me. After years and years of denying my sexuality to everyone he knew, he finally accepted me. Secondly, because I am marrying Simon Snow, who my family would have never approved of, if it wasn’t for the fact that he made me so happy. And finally, because, again, _I am marrying Simon Snow_. Who I never thought could ever love me back, and who I thought I would never see again after that dreadful night at Watford.

And then, when I was sure I wasn’t dreaming, I became concerned that he would change his mind and wouldn’t be there when I entered the garden.

When the music started, and my father held my arm and started walking, I closed my eyes, letting him guide me, just in case Simon wasn’t there. But then I heard him gasp, and when I opened my eyes _there he was_. And he had a smile so bright I could have almost gone blind.

As I reached him and hold his hand, I couldn’t even understand why I doubted this was real. Because he looked at me with such love in his eyes there was no chance in hell we would ever walk out on me.

I know there were things being said. We both said our vows and some people wept. More at mine than at Snow’s, even though I found his more touching. Probably because him saying how much he loves me is my weak spot, but who knows. I also know we both said ‘I do’, and I know Penny casted a  **To love and to cherish, till death do us part,**  although we both told her there was no need to bring magic, because we would both keep our promises. She really insisted on it, though, and we didn’t complain too much. I know a lot of things happened, but it all seemed like a blur to me. In those moments, I felt that we were the only two people in the world, despite being surrounded by all our loved ones. All I could do was stare at him and think of how much I wanted to make him happy. And that I loved him. I have always loved him. I love him. I will always love him.

And when we kissed, when I finally got to kiss  _my husband_ , Simon Snow, all I could feel was how much we both believed in love. Our love. And how much I believed in the path we were yet to build. And all I wanted was to keep our love burning, and to make his journey with me bright. To make  _us_  something that he would keep returning to, always and evermore. Into my arms. In my arms. Always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy how this ends. I wanted a chapter where I could give everyone I love a happy ending (yes, I'm talking about the Pettys!)  
> I also had to include a super super clear allusion to "Into My Arms" by Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds because they're the bomb and I am so in love with that song that you don't even imagine. 
> 
> I want to thank everyone who has been reading my work and enjoying it.  
> I want to thank particularly to everyone who left positive comments on my work. You guys all made my day and you rule!  
> Thank you so much for such a warm welcome into this fandom.  
> I will be back soon, I promise! I hope you come back to read me too.
> 
> Lots of love everyone, and have a wonderful day!


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